Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
