What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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