Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
