I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize