I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
