I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
