she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she peed on how many people?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Please don't give away my fajitas
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