I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
