Who did Billy Mays play for?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
