I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
