cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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