Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
