Im at strip club and am horny
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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