she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
