she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize