i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
