She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
