??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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