No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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