I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
