So drunk its hurt
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
