I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
