Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize