I hope mine doesn't look like that
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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