Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
