be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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