watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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