Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
