One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
