Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
