We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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