Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
