I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize