What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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