It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
