Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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