new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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