I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
