I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize