too bad you live with your parents still
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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