He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
