Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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