In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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