I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
