I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
