I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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