Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
