You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize