Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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