He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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