Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
