Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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