Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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