It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
