watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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