I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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