my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
