Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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