I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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