I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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