I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
