That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
