words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Mom said you looked used
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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