I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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