i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize