Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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