so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
