I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize