No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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