im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
