lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
