i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
