Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
