I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
