Sponge bath it is.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
