Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You can't just leave with hair like that
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
