Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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