Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
