filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize