Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
