do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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