Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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