I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
how drunk are you?
Several
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
