I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
