I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
