i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
