I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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