We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
