Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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