Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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