he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it's great music for shaving your balls
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
