I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
