Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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