whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
