i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
