Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
