I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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