Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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