At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
