i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize