I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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